the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
