New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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