I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I want her autograph on my taint
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
