literally had 100 drinks last night.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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