Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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