This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
