I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
