Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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