So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
