i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
