Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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