So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
