last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
