dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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