I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
People in love make me want to vomit
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
