1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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