I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
