you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
