Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
