you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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