Fuck appropriateness.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Use "feeling words"
Yay
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
