The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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