you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
