It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
