I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
