Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
