My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
