I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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