ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
