cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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