i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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