I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
