A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We're too hungover to prance.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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