He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
