it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize