I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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