Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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