After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
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some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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