Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
