First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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