it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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