I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
