question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
