I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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