You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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