Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
