what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
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Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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