dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
