she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
