I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
