So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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