In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
