I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
