also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just found a bag of teeth...
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
