I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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