i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
