Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
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Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
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She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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