my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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