How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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