I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
