I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
