Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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