I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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