my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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