We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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