yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
