His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
