She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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