so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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