I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
