Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I intend to get homeless drunk
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
