Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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